Hold on or let go?

[clementine]

Hi all! I'm new to this forum and loving the insights I'm seeing on here. Figured I'd ask for advice about an ambiguous relationship, thanks for your patience with this long post!

I met David while I was going to school in another country. I was planning to head home in a few months to live with my longterm partner. My first impression of him was that he was aloof and a little boring. Even so, I asked him to work on a project with me and we ended up working really well together. I’ve never felt such strong rapport with a co-presenter — something about him just made me feel safe (I later learned his Venus is conjunct my Moon). We started hanging out and one day a voice in my head said “You can’t leave this country yet, now that you’ve met him. You need him in your future.” This seemed like crazy talk, but I realized I would be really sad to leave him behind when I moved home, more than anyone else I'd met.

Months later, I graduated and my longterm relationship ended suddenly—I’d been cheated on and replaced while I was away. I ended up not going home but staying on and getting a job. I was devastated and drifting. David really supported me in this time—offering a shoulder to cry on, making me food, cuddling with me at night, and taking me out to the movies to distract me. I realized I was becoming really attracted to him, and attached to him. When I was a little less heartbroken, I asked him out. He seemed ambivalent, but eventually said he wasn’t ready to date anyone he felt serious about, because of his own life trauma. He also told me how deeply he loved me and how healing our connection was for him. I couldn’t tell then, and can’t tell now, if this was a polite way of letting me know he wasn’t attracted to me. His physical signals were hard to read, even when we were cuddling. He went from warm and playful to withdrawn and distant pretty quickly. Either way, I knew I needed to kill the crush and focus on the friendship part of our beautiful friendship.

Fast forward a year later: I’m casually dating a few people, including someone I have great chemistry with. I have good friends and my career is going well. And—even though I’ve really fought against it—a part of me is still waiting for David. We’re still friends, though we see each other less now that he’s working on his thesis and I’m out of school. Sometimes we’ll cuddle like we did when I was really sad, but often I won’t see or hear from him for weeks. I can blame grad school for some of this distance, but I also think he pulls away whenever we start getting really close. And to be honest, this pattern really frustrates me. If he decided tomorrow he wanted to date me, I’d say no unless that pattern changed. I've looked at our synastry and can see our Saturn squares and Chiron squares, and sometimes I feel like we both recoil from how much vulnerability this relationship brings up. We can't hide much from each other, and we're both people with Moon square Saturn in our natals—used to going it alone, suspicious of being cared for. Maybe the sum total of our synastry is more work than it's worth?  

Even so, I still feel a part of my soul waiting for him, and getting antsy. I want him to hurry up and be ready for whatever it is we need to do together. I’m not even sure at this point if that's romantic partnership or collaboration on our life’s work—or both. Every time I think of cutting ties and moving on, a small voice tells me to be patient a little longer.

I'm not someone who puts my life on hold for a man, even if it loses me relationships (like my ex), so this is driving me a little batty. I figured I’d throw our charts up here for other people to take a stab at! If you were me, would you hold on a little longer (he's done with school in a year) or cut ties? Even though I'm dating and living life, I know I'm not going to fall in love with anyone else while I've still got this attachment to him. 

Here's our synastry charts—I'm the inner wheel in the biwheel and the horizontal row in the aspect grid. 

Attachments:

[12YearsABlob]

Hey there, clementine ! Thanks for posting.
No wonder I love your writing - you're a Virgo Sun/Merc.
Just wanted to say hello, have to be off now. I'm no synastry expert, but I'll be back later with some thoughts on this.

[Ava]

Nice to meet you, clementine.

You have a Sag ASC trine Leo Venus, I'm the reverse.

So when you say:

"I'm not someone who puts my life on hold for a man..."

Yes, I believe you!

"...so this is driving me a little batty."

It looks nerve-wracking. I wonder if his Taurus sun is just being slow and hesitant, as they are, or if he is truly disinterested. But with charts like this, and all that physical closeness already, how could he be?

Maybe Uranus is a problem now, since it's transiting conjunct his sun and NN. And you have Uranus on his SN. He could be in this frame of mind where he feels that he needs to shake everything up and keep all his options open, as this is a key time for change. His Uranus falls in your first house and is close to your ASC so I'm guessing he strongly represents that energy in your life now.

I love that you're a Virgo sun, Taurus moon and he's the reverse. Essential compatibility. Then you both have node-Pluto conjunctions. Similar to each other on so many levels.

Your Mars trine his SN, but his Mars-Neptune is squaring your nodes and sitting in your first house. So his mysterious charm is front and center, blocking your view of other men, and making you feel like you have to sort this out (because it's squaring your nodes)...and Mars square Pluto synastry can also be so high-maintenance, always wanting more it seems.

Well there's so much to say...his Aries Mercury on your IC might come forward to say all the right things sometimes, and with his Mercury near your SN, he gets where you are coming from. But possibly, efforts towards closeness elicit more of a Mars response, maybe he speaks before even thinking the whole matter through (and with Mercury square Neptune, he could be just incorrect). Your Virgo Mercury conjunct your sun might find some of his reactions baffling.

His sun falls in your 4th but your sun falls in his 10th, so I wonder if that sets up a situation where you are warmer to him, seeing him as someone close and familiar, while he sees you more as someone to work with, move forward in life with. (?)

I think the charts justify either answer, staying or letting go...he's a Tiger so if you move on, that may be the time he pursues you more than ever...only to run off again when things get real (no offense to Tigers but they tend to like the chase).

Can't see the orbs but it looks like you have Juno on each other's ASCs...so Juno-ASC in composite...my husband and I have that, just saying.

[Deleted]

Instinctively on reading the title I thought "let it go" but upon seeing this synastry.. I think you should hang on for a little more. I think some transits will spurn him to action soon, such as transiting Chiron about to conjunct his Mercury this year, that very Mercury which is the ruler of his Moon. You'll probably get beautiful emotional nuggets that reveal so much that was once hidden in due time.

Then of course as Faith mentioned, t.Uranus is on his NN/Sun conjunction right now, as well as trine his Ceres. He's undergoing a massive transformation, so that super fixed-stubborn Scorpio ASC/Taurus Sun/Virgo Moon combination will be revamped in a big way this year.

I feel like this is going to be a big year for you too. With t.Mars and the SN in Aquarius for nearly the entire year opposite your Leo Venus, I have no doubt you're about to undergo a very karmic journey in romance. I like that his Mercury is on your IC.. even though he's younger, he's someone that teaches you A LOT about things, opens up your mind in ways you could have never imagined to a myriad of possibilities. Probably feels so amazing to your Virgo Sun/Mercury. His Mercury is also in the sign of your South Node, so a lot of his insights have a spooky, past life quality to them.. like he's unearthing universal truths so effortlessly to you, it gives you the chills

Jupiters are trine by sign, which shows very similar life philosophies.. I love to see harmonious Jupiter aspects in synastry. I think they're extremely underrated for compatibility. Saturns are also trine by sign.. you have a similar work ethic, you're both irritated by the same things.

Then of course you have what I think is the crowning jewel of the synastry - that Moon/Venus conjunction in Taurus. Does it get better than this? Moon/Venus is gorgeous enough on its own, but in Venus' home sign and in the Moon's exaltation? Just gorgeous. You will both always adore each other for life, no matter what.

Only thing I find a little worrying is Mars opposition. He'll probably be the more aggressive one because his is in exaltation, and the ruler of his Mercury. Plus his Scorpio/Taurus combo means it will be very difficult for him to dislodge a fixed opinion, something that a Virgo works very hard to do when she knows she has a point. So that's a small bit of contention there.

So yes, I say wait. Maybe we see the midpoint composite?

[12YearsABlob]

There seems to be a lot of tenderness between you two and a lot of mutual empathy. But you do trigger a bit of fear in each other. All that Saturn makes it hard to just go with the flow (of your feelings). You seem to be handling it better. But his Saturn being triggered made him take a step back. What I've seen is, when Saturn is aspected in synastry - it depends largely on the individual's maturity and comfort level with their own Saturn. If they don't *like* Saturn energy, that could be a problem. Because they feel this drive to commit to the person, to build something real with them. Saturn can't just jump in, take it one day at a time. He'll be thinking, but what about tomorrow? What about ten years from now? When we get married, will I be able to support them? Will our visions for family life be compatible?

At this point, if they realize they aren't ready for commitment, or the attraction is not strong enough to warrant the work needed to make it happen - they back off. It usually happens in the beginning. But if/when they do commit, it'll be for the long haul.

He admires you and is afraid of you. How that plays out, will depend on how your transits go this year. athena has a good handle on that.

You have rather different styles of going about things, but overall compatible philosphy. You Mars-Jupiter opposing his Mars-Neptune can sometimes feel like a drag, sometimes energizing. Because balancing those two will give you guys a new perspective. Mars-Jupiter and Mars-Neptune share an idealistic streak, but Jupiter is a lot more playful. However, this aspect is not just about opposing signs it's it's also 'opposite' in effect. Jupiter spurs Mars on, whereas Neptune inhibits it, dampens the drive somewhat.

With all that fixed energy, he might not be keen on seeing a new perspective - but with your Sun on his moon, he might just. He can see where you're coming from, and the moon can't hep but support the Sun. That's another thing that might have spooked him a little, because the moon feels dependent on the Sun in some way. The Sun's very being has an impact, whether or not they intend it - and this can be overwhelming at close quarters until you get used to it. (Your mercury is in that mix, so he might be more sensitive than usual to things *you* say).

Also, with your Neptune on his moon - while it is unbelievably tender - the downside is the emotional confusion it can bring. Especially for a Saturnian moon like his, that heavy dose of Neptune might pull out feelings of dependency and wanting to 'save' each other that might be uncomfortable. This aspect does bring an unparalleled feeling of "soul family". I can see why you'd want to hang on to this, see where it goes. He's got another big pull, his Pluto squaring your Venus.

Guess I didn't quite answer your original question.. But I hope this helps a little.

P.S. Would like to see the composite too, but only if you want to post it.

[clementine]

Hi again! Wow, I am blown away by all your generous and insightful responses! It's so validating checking in with other astrologers about this. I’m hearing both confirmation of patterns I've noticed and new angles I hadn’t considered.

Ava —hello fellow Sag-Leo energy!—I think you're right about this being a transitional year for both of us. Seeing that Uranus transit coming on has definitely made me step back and release any expectations for building what is essentially a Saturnian relationship with him soon. And yes, I might be feeling this as more of a 4th house connection than he does—my Sag rising and his Scorpio rising mean I express all my feelings and desires a lot more frequently + energetically than he does.

athena , I'd been conveniently ignoring how those Mars/Nodes transits were affecting my Venus this year. It's true that I have already starting dating people I wouldn't have considered just a few months ago and recently broke up with a partner I thought I’d be with for life. Who knows what else will change over the course of this transit? I also love looking at Jupiter in synastry, and that Venus/Moon conjunction is the main thing my heart is aching to hold onto with this person—when he touches me, I melt. Like, he’s healed a migraine just by rubbing my neck for a few minutes and singing to me. And yes, we already have a lot of playful antagonism around how fixed he is. A lot of our relationship is play-fighting, which my 7th house Mars loves.

@12yearsablob, you’ve really nailed it about Saturn. I’m definitely more in a Saturn-accepting phase of my life than he is (He’s only grudgingly going to school to get a better career, while I’m already doing what I love and passionate about it), and I know this scares him. He’s talked about being intimidated by how much I’ve accomplished, how smart I am, etc., but he’s also drawn to me for the same reasons. He’s also mentioned worshipping me (Neptune_Moon), appreciating how I nurture him (Moon-Venus), not wanting me to nurture him (all those Saturn squares), and wanting to protect and emotionally support me at various points (Moon-Sun/Merc). I know he’s got a lot of feelings about me, and that they’re often contradictory.

All this definitely helps! I’m feeling really seen and also like however this relationship plays out, it’s an important one. I’ll keep you all updated! And here’s the composite—I’m much less familiar with how to read these, so I’d be curious what you all see!

[Ava]

Thanks for your feedback, and thanks for posting the composite, clementine.

Will check that out in the next day or two.

[lumina]

clementine

as per composite (for whatever it`s worth), I don`t think "letting go" is really an option, at least not until you figured out what you need to transform in your life or your lives. 

I am saying that because Pluto is squaring the Cancer Node, Pluto in aspect to the Nodes is very compelling and compulsive, and it indicates that something powerful is at play, and something needs to be transformed, developed, being totally immersed in. 
The Node is in Cancer, Moon is in Cancer, widely conjunct NN. The plot already thickens so to speak, what that transformation is about, must have to do something with emotions, caring, nurturing. 
There is a very deep emotional caring connection there, maybe more profound than either of you expected and possibly at least more than he really feels comfortable with. But that is just how it is, the emotional connection is there, if he likes it or not.  

Also the Moon/Node-midpoint falls onto Vertex (and btw in 8th house, the Pluto house), so I guess this emotional (Moon) connection (NOde) might have come as a surprise, a bolt out of the blue, and suddenly it was there and had to be dealt with. 

I am not sure who is the inner person in the synastry you posted, but that inner person has possibly Ceres conjunct composite Pluto? Not sure about the orb. And that is yet ANOTHER indicator into the same direction - caring, nurturing, and cuddling is just so descriptive. lol 

Possibly the Ceres person is the one who learns to or is giving that nurturing to the other person, in order to, well to develop that caring side more, but the transformation affects both, so the other person, on the receiving end, will be transformed by this as well. Though I am not sure if the other person has maybe an opposition or square to Ceres and composite Pluto. 


There are some other aspects, that are important, but I think that is really the main factor here. I am not sure this has to be a romantic relationship though. I get the feeling that there is that strong emotional vibration and also a friendship and project oriented orientation (Venus on Sun/Mercury-mp is really beautiful for a friendship with slight romantic overtones, but at the heart of it it really is about the communication/ friendship factor. if this is going to be a romance, then it must be a friendship, too).

OH I forgot - Moon squares Saturn - so even though that nurturing emotional caring is part of the purpose of this relationship, it seems to be met with a lot of restrictive energies, and at times it might make it feel very onesided or difficult. Like you know there is this emotional bond there, but something prevents it from manifest in real life terms, even in the mutual contact. Saturn is in 10th house, so the restrictiveness could come from outside, external sources, too, society, work-issues, other people even (like parents for example), Of course it could also be one of you "playing" Saturn and rejecting the emotional bond that is there and that is also needed, but it`s like really refusing to accept that. I have not checked, but possibly if someone had conjunctions to that composite Saturn, they might at least temporarily play the "killjoy". Of course it can also make for a strong commitment and despite the emotional response/ echo being absent at times, it will be a tie that is difficult to break. It does not look like this relationship will either die or take off on its own, but only on the basis of the conscious decision of you two. You make or break it. If you are in for it, however, you will need to be "all in", no detours (SAturn does not allow this, and the emotional bond is too sensitive, the pain of misused trust would be too great). 


The other configuration that is very prominent is of course Mercury opposite Neptune, which actually might be difficult, as it will be hard to define and categorize the relationship. ONe of both of you will be utterly confused about it. On the plus side, this might make you downright able to read each other`s minds, being creative together (storytellers) or you might tell yourself stories about what this is about, but somehow don´t really understand that. There is also the possibility that one of you will tell the other one white lies or make excuses and not be completely honest and straightforward, mostly to not hurt the other person. Well Mercury trines Pluto exact, too. so that will smooth this out I think, making you able to connect on a very profound mental level, and really dig into each others psyche. You will probably have a good understanding about what is going on psychologically with the other person, but maybe not so much what is going on in real life terms (Like: are we friends? Lovers? Brother and sister? An affair? coworkers? etc.)


Sun square Mars will bring into this a strong dynamic energy, and that could be used for working together if you have a shared goal, or getting involved in disagreements and becoming a little impatient with each other. But I have Sun-Mars with my best friend, and we have never really argued, so it does not need to be about that. it could also simply provide you with a lot of energy to make projects happen. and of course between man and woman, there will be physical sparks, though possibly not always smoothly so. one of oyu might feel attracted at different times than the other one. 

Speaking of attraction, that is actually a bit odd. You have Venus exactly quinkunx Uranus, and Uranus conjuncts JUno. There IS electricity and magnetism, but somehow it is lopsided. With Venus-Uranus-quinkunx it might be an on-off-thing, always wavering between friendship and electric attraction, never being really one of the things, but somehow always both, or the attraction might seem to disappear at times, just to come back with full force in moments you did not expect it too. 

Also Juno conjunct Uranus - somehow the commitment between the two of you will be unusual. A relationship would need to also offer freedom and liberation. Well it will always be exciting I guess, but maybe not really all that stable, if you get into the romance-area. 

[lumina]

Oh and of course Sun conjuncts Venus, so the love is there, without a doubt, I thought I should mention it, it sounded like I was downplaying this factor in my last post which was not my intention. There is a lot of admiration and affection at play here for certain, it`s just not always easy to express it in a balanced way. 

[Ava]

DAMN lumina. What's left to say? lol

I'll piggyback on this thought..."Oh and of course Sun conjuncts Venus, so the love is there, without a doubt"...aye, in the 7th house, no less.

"The other configuration that is very prominent is of course Mercury opposite Neptune, which actually might be difficult, as it will be hard to define and categorize the relationship."

Mmm, with 3H Pisces and Pisces IC.

Though in my experience some blurriness can be useful to smooth over difficulties. There's a sense that there's something going on that both of you recognize, and neither person can or will describe it....as if describing it takes some of the magic away.

Composite sun square Mars, Mars conjunct his Mercury, maybe that puts him in touch with any potential compatibility issues that might play out over time. His Mercury squincunx Pluto on his south node, that could set him up for worrying too much.

Composite moon squares your nodes, clementine.

I really have no idea, I'm still very much an amateur, but I see how that aspect matches the story: how there was emotional fulfillment, but it's put you at a crossroads now, not knowing if you're moving forwards or not.

[12YearsABlob]

Very compelling! Moon-NN-vertex square Pluto/Saturn. You have some serious stuff to work out.

That first house Neptune is making itself felt. On the downside, a lack of direction and confusion about identity (what *are* we?). But on the other hand - potential for a boundaryless-ness, a 'merging'. And healing, intuitive communication, possibly psychic dreams about each other. Merc-Neptune hard aspects get a bad rap. But if you take care to be scrupulously honest with each other, the level of intuitive understanding & healing can be sublime.

^ Just my impressions. Still a beginner.

[clementine]

lumina

Jun 15, 2018 14:10:37 GMT lumina said:

clementine

as per composite (for whatever it`s worth), I don`t think "letting go" is really an option, at least not until you figured out what you need to transform in your life or your lives. I am saying that because Pluto is squaring the Cancer Node, Pluto in aspect to the Nodes is very compelling and compulsive, and it indicates that something powerful is at play, and something needs to be transformed, developed, being totally immersed in. 

Ha, that's what I'm afraid of! I've been feeling that way, too, really obsessed with this person in ways that are unsettling. My Virgo Sun is like, "Can we please learn what we need to and then think about work again?" and my Leo Venus is all indignant that I'm still thinking about someone who isn't bowing at my feet (well, at least not consistently!).

Jun 15, 2018 14:10:37 GMT lumina said:

The Node is in Cancer, Moon is in Cancer, widely conjunct NN. The plot already thickens so to speak, what that transformation is about, must have to do something with emotions, caring, nurturing. 
There is a very deep emotional caring connection there, maybe more profound than either of you expected and possibly at least more than he really feels comfortable with. But that is just how it is, the emotional connection is there, if he likes it or not.  

Also the Moon/Node-midpoint falls onto Vertex (and btw in 8th house, the Pluto house), so I guess this emotional (Moon) connection (NOde) might have come as a surprise, a bolt out of the blue, and suddenly it was there and had to be dealt with. 

You nailed it. One of our touchiest areas is how good it has felt for each of us to be "mothered" by the other at times. I get terrified of becoming dependent on that kind of tenderness, and he's scared of it being a trap - like I'll make him tea and then tell him he "owes me" for all that do for him. Classic anxious-avoidant detachment patterns. Classic Cancer Mars vs. Cap Mars. With Cancer Mars and Taurus Moon, and being socialized as a woman, I'm a lot more comfortable than he is with emotional nurture.

Jun 15, 2018 14:10:37 GMT lumina said:

I am not sure who is the inner person in the synastry you posted, but that inner person has possibly Ceres conjunct composite Pluto? Not sure about the orb. And that is yet ANOTHER indicator into the same direction - caring, nurturing, and cuddling is just so descriptive. lol 

Possibly the Ceres person is the one who learns to or is giving that nurturing to the other person, in order to, well to develop that caring side more, but the transformation affects both, so the other person, on the receiving end, will be transformed by this as well. Though I am not sure if the other person has maybe an opposition or square to Ceres and composite Pluto. 

I'm the inner wheel, and yes, my Ceres is conjunct composite Pluto! But his Ceres is 2 Virgo, unaspected to C. Pluto. That and my Vesta conjunct his Moon (in synastry) make me devoted to his wellbeing in ways that can feel a little imbalanced. But I've also been more vocal with him than anyone else in my life about asking for care and telling him how I'm vulnerable—and every time I do, he tries to help. He just doesn't offer it as much out of the blue!

Jun 15, 2018 14:10:37 GMT lumina said:

I am not sure this has to be a romantic relationship though. I get the feeling that there is that strong emotional vibration and also a friendship and project oriented orientation (Venus on Sun/Mercury-mp is really beautiful for a friendship with slight romantic overtones, but at the heart of it it really is about the communication/ friendship factor. if this is going to be a romance, then it must be a friendship, too).

Yeah, that also feels pretty valid! What great insights! Honestly, I would be thrilled for this to be a romantic friendship, as long as it can be consistently that. It's the intimacy with him I'm in it for; I just want to feel like we're consciously and intentionally building closeness together.

Jun 15, 2018 14:10:37 GMT lumina said:

OH I forgot - Moon squares Saturn - so even though that nurturing emotional caring is part of the purpose of this relationship, it seems to be met with a lot of restrictive energies, and at times it might make it feel very onesided or difficult. Like you know there is this emotional bond there, but something prevents it from manifest in real life terms, even in the mutual contact. Saturn is in 10th house, so the restrictiveness could come from outside, external sources, too, society, work-issues, other people even (like parents for example), Of course it could also be one of you "playing" Saturn and rejecting the emotional bond that is there and that is also needed, but it`s like really refusing to accept that. I have not checked, but possibly if someone had conjunctions to that composite Saturn, they might at least temporarily play the "killjoy". Of course it can also make for a strong commitment and despite the emotional response/ echo being absent at times, it will be a tie that is difficult to break. It does not look like this relationship will either die or take off on its own, but only on the basis of the conscious decision of you two. You make or break it. If you are in for it, however, you will need to be "all in", no detours (SAturn does not allow this, and the emotional bond is too sensitive, the pain of misused trust would be too great). 

Fascinating! Especially the part about the relationship neither dying nor taking off on its own...and my NN is conjunct C. Saturn, but I think that would make me more drawn to committing to this relationship than actually playing the Saturn role more - on the other hand, my Saturn square his Venus is the most exact synastry aspect we have (0.04 degree orb), so I know I do bring a little more Saturn.

Jun 15, 2018 14:10:37 GMT lumina said:

The other configuration that is very prominent is of course Mercury opposite Neptune, which actually might be difficult, as it will be hard to define and categorize the relationship. ONe of both of you will be utterly confused about it. On the plus side, this might make you downright able to read each other`s minds, being creative together (storytellers) or you might tell yourself stories about what this is about, but somehow don´t really understand that. There is also the possibility that one of you will tell the other one white lies or make excuses and not be completely honest and straightforward, mostly to not hurt the other person. Well Mercury trines Pluto exact, too. so that will smooth this out I think, making you able to connect on a very profound mental level, and really dig into each others psyche. You will probably have a good understanding about what is going on psychologically with the other person, but maybe not so much what is going on in real life terms (Like: are we friends? Lovers? Brother and sister? An affair? coworkers? etc.)

Yep. And we both have Mercury square Neptune natally - we have seriously had long conversations over the course of many months about where we're going to move together when he's out of school and what kind of property we're looking for, and I have NO idea if we're just fantasizing aloud or if we're making real plans. And if one of us asked the other, "wait, is this for real?" I'm not sure either of us would know how to answer. Neptune-Mercury contacts for me are all about being able to live in the real world and all the not-yet-real or never-will-be-real worlds simultaneously.

I can also feel what he's feeling pretty accurately, like if we're at a party I'll just look at him and know, "oh, David is feeling socially anxious" even if he's smiling and talking to someone. And he'll check in with me, too, when he senses that my mood has changed, even if I'm not making it obvious. Though with a Sag rising, I'm probably an open book!

Jun 15, 2018 14:10:37 GMT lumina said:

Sun square Mars will bring into this a strong dynamic energy, and that could be used for working together if you have a shared goal, or getting involved in disagreements and becoming a little impatient with each other. But I have Sun-Mars with my best friend, and we have never really argued, so it does not need to be about that. it could also simply provide you with a lot of energy to make projects happen. and of course between man and woman, there will be physical sparks, though possibly not always smoothly so. one of oyu might feel attracted at different times than the other one. 


Speaking of attraction, that is actually a bit odd. You have Venus exactly quinkunx Uranus, and Uranus conjuncts JUno. There IS electricity and magnetism, but somehow it is lopsided. With Venus-Uranus-quinkunx it might be an on-off-thing, always wavering between friendship and electric attraction, never being really one of the things, but somehow always both, or the attraction might seem to disappear at times, just to come back with full force in moments you did not expect it too. 

Also Juno conjunct Uranus - somehow the commitment between the two of you will be unusual. A relationship would need to also offer freedom and liberation. Well it will always be exciting I guess, but maybe not really all that stable, if you get into the romance-area. 

Oy, so much for consistent intimacy in any form! But this all sounds really true, and super helpful! Thanks so much for this insight, lumina !

[lumina]

clementine, 


I am glad it resonates. 


"and my NN is conjunct C. Saturn, but I think that would make me more drawn to committing to this relationship"
Yes, I`ve been thinking that myself. 
That probably part of your path is to express the commitment of this relationship very strongly. Whatever it means it is very important. 

Also it means that the c.Moon is squaring your nodal axis. I see two options with that, no clue which one it is, or maybe both to a certain degree, at different times: 

a. the emotional connection and closeness in this relationship sort of keeps you off your own path, your own development

or and that is the idea I am more believing in 

b) the emotional closeness is actually like a skipped step on your own path, and by dedicating yourself to this part of the relationship, you actually make a huge step towards your own developmental purpose, the direction your life is to take. Though of course as this is a square you cannot afford to get "stuck" there. It is sort of something you learn and integrate and then take with you, but while moving towards your path. The c-Saturn ironically could even be helpful in that, even though it might freeze some of the emotional cuddles at times, it will also provide a guiding line towards your own life-path-goal. 

[clementine]

Hey all, I wanted to give you a quick update as you've been so helpful with this synastry analysis!

I've been avoiding David for the last month because I didn't have the energy to navigate all the feelings. In that time I've mostly laid to rest any sexual feelings or hopes for romantic partnership, though I still feel that kind of warm glow you feel about someone special whenever we're in the same space.

Meanwhile, he's been reaching out a lot more and trying to be part of my life in weird ways—suggesting we move in together out of the blue, or asking me to be the beneficiary of his life insurance—things that make me go "buddy, I know you're freaking out that I'm pulling away, but let's talk about our feelings before we talk about signing paperwork." We've also been thrown together socially and that's felt hard. When we're in a group we either ignore each other or tease each other in ways that make the other feel a little to vulnerable.

We finally had a good heart-to-heart a few days ago, when he suggested we get together to celebrate our one-year friend anniversary. We made a good dinner, played a weird intimacy game that involved staring into each other's eyes and syncing our breath (predictably, he didn't last long at this, even though he suggested it!), and then we talked openly about the state of our relationship. I told him that even though things feel stressful right now, and I don't have the energy to think about how to fix them, I really love him and I'm invested in our friendship. He told me he felt the same way, and opened up about what's been blocking him from showing up more in our relationship (social anxiety, introversion, self-doubt, putting me on a pedestal). I reassured him that I don't need him to be an extroverted go-getter like me to be someone I care about and want to make time for. He also insisted that I should ask him for the kind of care I want, whether that's a ride to the airport or to be held all night—that he wants to help me feel supported and loved. I didn't really know how to take that, because while he is always down to do me favors he's also frequently unavailable for the kind of emotional and physical intimacy I really want. It's like the staring-in-each-other's-eyes game he proposed—he originally said "let's spend an hour looking into each other's eyes and syncing our breath, with our hands on each other's hearts" and what ended up happening was 5 minutes of eye contact, without touching, at the end of which he had devolved into making silly faces to defuse the tension.

So, I'm starting to see that the problem between us isn't so much a difference in desire as a difference in capacity for intimacy. It's funny, I feel like the universe has introduced me to one of my soulmates at a phase of his development when it would be inappropriate to expect adult intimacy from him. We love each other like hell, and probably always will. I feel all warm and glowy from spending time with him and being honest about our feelings. Love is such a goddamn miracle whenever it happens. I hope he gets his act together someday, but I'm not holding my breath. My plan is to keep showing up, keep being honest, and keep taking breaks whenever it gets too stressful.

Meanwhile, he asked me yesterday, "So, do you want to share a dog with me?"

[Deleted]

Thanks for updating us clementine ! I definitely think it's worth reading up about attachment styles and love languages. You guys seem to be presenting similar intent to each other, but the communication is getting bungled somewhere in the execution (particularly on his part)