Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 9, 2018 17:13:09 GMT
Okay, I know this forum is sophisticated and such topics are so trivial and that many of you do not like to reduce signs to the Sun sign, but if yes I do need help with this. I can add the other aspects of the particular male but, I think for this topic maybe it best to keep it open. So copying the other topic. Let's see what you have to say Subtle signs/ Bold gestures/ Do's and Don'ts
|
|
|
Post by Ava on May 9, 2018 19:14:27 GMT
I might've done that once. Here's what happened: A friend took me to a party and got me intoxicated. Realizing I was incoherent, she asked our friend, a Cancer, to get me something to eat and take me home. He was like, "Sure, I got this." Nice guy Observation: I think he liked taking care of me, this was a good start. He could show his nurturing side without it being weird, it was totally appropriate for the situation. Cancer guys can be super intuitive with caregiving, and everyone likes to showcase what they're good at (right?) I also really trusted him, so physical boundaries weren't especially high, we sort of bonded physically before anything, and I don't mean sex, just physical closeness. Like sitting RIGHT next to each other. So we went from being friends to friends who were physically close, it's like I was inside the "shell" of his aura, we were both comfortable with each other's vibe. This was college and he lived in my dorm, so sometimes I'd stay in his room late, we'd talk all night and then I would sleep next to him, both of us fully clothed, just friends... He would tell me all about his ex that he was trying to get over, and that was probably how I "captured his heart" -- via transference. All of his pre-existing emotions were fine with me, he could show me his ex and I'd agree she was beautiful, show me everything she gave him and I'd agree that it was all very cool (it was). I validated and understood. He didn't have to give up anything, I wasn't challenging his heart in any way....like I'd never say, "If she liked you so much, why did she break up with you?" or anything that was competitive with her at all. I was on his side. But that is where the split happened for me, but it doesn't have to happen for anyone else. I assumed he still liked her, and that meant, he didn't really like me as much. So I drifted off and started dating someone else. NOTE: Don't assume that, if this happens to you. Years later I was still hearing from mutual friends that he wasn't over me. I never really understood it, I wasn't as pretty or smart as the ex he told me about, nowhere close, but I think we had a genuine emotional bond, and that mattered.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 9, 2018 19:43:32 GMT
Ava thank you for the insight. The problem I am encountering is, my POI is so damn slow.. but I mean this is ridiculous. Online he is like a dead fish. He takes forever to reply, does flirt but needs incentive, takes forever to do somethings, never shows he likes anything I do. But offline he really shows he likes me and we have an awesome time together, we talk about EVERYTHING and have great chemistry. His time in his shell is just too long, I am patient but this is too much. So this just puzzles me in how much to initiate, how much not to, when to wait, when not to.. We met last year August, but things are way up and down to even know where his mind is at all. I cannot and will not do all the work, that is just not fair. I do show I like him, flirt.. But yeah the wall is so high up I have no idea any more where to turn or what to even do. Plus he has some girl around him who he has known for a long long time, so that is hard also, but he does not consider her a girlfriend. So yeah for a Pisces this is getting to exhausting and hard.
|
|
|
Post by Ava on May 9, 2018 19:56:14 GMT
That does sound hard, @intuitivefish.
I assume Cancer men generally prefer classical feminine stereotypical attributes, but then, they themselves can be like that, retreating and being shy. So if you advance on them, they may be turned off, but if you don't, maybe nothing will happen.
I do wonder if physical closeness speaks to them more than anything else. So maybe courting Cancer in the digital age is especially tricky...maybe whoever is right there with them, a warm body, has a certain advantage?
I don't know........hopefully, others know and will come here and help.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 9, 2018 20:01:04 GMT
Yes that is true but even getting to the stage to just be physically close is HARD. He keeps in such darkness it is too hard. If I do nothing he thinks I don't want him, if I do something he takes ages to reply. He does not even give the chance to be physically close more often .
He has a Gemini Venus so maybe that switches things around.
I do not know.
I know he is into me for sure because he told me so, but only when I was there in the flesh. We have been seeing each other and were intimate so it is not like he hoped for that stage..
I dont know, whenever I am wanting to move on ( like now) he does something to reel me back in, but it is exhausting me
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 11, 2018 18:28:56 GMT
I do know quite a few cancers. Lots of cancers like me too due to my capricorn and aries placements.
I am not gonna give you much in terms of what to do with your specific Cancer guy but for all Cancerians, here are a few things that I see (which might not all fall in your OP format): -Cancerians are very perceptive. I don't think people give them enough credits for ruminating and mulling over things. Yes, they tend to dwell on things for a long time but they tend to blame themselves first before blaming you, and they resent themselves for their own awkward behaviors too. This is where Cancerians, as sensitive as they are, are willing to get to the root of things and see someone for who they are. Actually, lots of Cancer men just look at my brusque mask and told me uncanny things about me, my psychological state of minds, or what have you. I mean Cancers couldn't just charm Leos or Scorpios by being submissive (which seems like a stereotypical Cancerian story).
-The perceptive part and the overthinking part make them very persistent and tenacious and they appreciate people's strength more so than sensitivity. They want the people they like to baby them, but that's not how they were attracted to some one in the first place. They want to be protected, and your sensitivity isn't gonna protect them.
-Even with their sensitivity, they awkwardly put themselves out every time to get what they want. And if they dont succeed, the cycle repeats - they beat themselves up, cry their hearts out, make stupid jokes about themselves, and put themselves out again - this time hopefully a little bit less awkward.
-The part about wanting to be pampered and babied stems from the fact that they can be very selfish, stubborn, and controlling. Why do you think capricorn doesn't want to owe anybody anything? Because they see everyone as cancers who manipulate and guilt-trip others. Cancers love to just re-arrange things to see how you'd react. This is btw worse than Scorpio's test. Scorpio is intentional and exacting. They throw a specific pebble out to the pond and see how deep it is, but Cancer will just do something different to see what you are gonna do based on the weather. The "Right" response is catering to them. Which btw in a relationship/friendship/partnership, can be very suffocating because you dont feel like you can express yourself -Just like capricorn everything Cancer does has a story behind it. Unlike capricorn what a cancer does is not on the calendar. Again, it is up to the weather. Today, they feel insecure about their body so they gotta test how you feel.
-Their actions are not really logical but they tend to internalize and infer from your actions and comments about other people to know what you think about them. Like if you like them, but you make a comment about how someone who is not as heavy as they are as "chubby," they automatically think you think they are fat. Yup! They don't think that other people's attraction and feelings are just as irrational as theirs. So you have to be very very very careful what you say around them. One random comment and they withdraw to the shell for the rest of their lives.
-Cancers love to play. They are actually very funny, since they spent all this time making fun of themselves. They are pretty ok with your awkward behaviors because they see their own more clearly. The moon actually changes its sign faster than mercury, so Cancer actually is very easily bored ... Gemini just like to be stimulated. Cancer needs you to go through the whole moony cycle with them. So they love to be taken out, invited to places, catered to. That's why they are attracted to aries and leo placements. -Unlike capricorn, they are not an all in all out sign. They are the master of manipulation so just because they put on a sweet face doesn't mean they aren't bored to death with you. They need to get that one thing from you, so they are gonna put on that face at this moment. They are honestly not deeply invested in anything they do. They just have a sweet face that makes them looks like they care. But all they care about is their own security.
-Cancer is also a very sneaky sign and they don't tend to see what they do as wrong. Social morales aren't as important as their momentary fleeting feelings. It's your fault for boring them in the first place. They won't tell you that, but hm.... they'll sneak out and you will never ever know. Actually I've known many many cancers. Don't just look at their sweet face and underestimate their strength. They are strong, smart, and sneaky. They are not bold like Aries; the moon doesn't need to stand in its own light. It reflects your light. Sometimes it is the full moon and sometimes it's the new moon and you won't see a thing.
- this brings me to my next point - we all have our own free wills. I am sick of descriptions like Libras are indecisive and Cancers are soft and sensitive and you gotta raise all the right flags for them to come to you. Try and upset a cancer and see how they are gonna flood your whole damn house. How about Jodi Arias lol? And btw, Cancerians do really really well in highly cut-throat businesses (where a sag or aquarius would complain about being censored or suffocated, cancer would kick off their opponents one by one). Look at Meryl Streep, her marriage and her children. Even the infamous Bill Cosby lol - he was a fixture of African American culture for being able to achieve so much despite being black. Cancerians are not above backstabbing and still keep their sweet innocent face. A Cancerian friend of mine put laxative in brownies to revenge for me - the aries moon. And he insisted on doing that. Yet from the outside looking in, he was this shy cancer while I am the feisty one. With cancers you will always need to read between the lines, and don't talk about it. They are master of insinuations. They won't admit anything. They top FBI's criminal list. A Capricorn will diplomatically express to you why they reach their decision but a cancer won't tell you a thing. But if a cancer isn't hanging out by you, you need to move on. Cancer rules defense and real estate. They are all about protecting their assets (which includes you, if they like you). They are not passive. They are passive aggressive and can be blatently agressive depending on the weather too.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 11, 2018 18:48:47 GMT
FYI - the last part about free will - I havent seen a cancer sun/moon/rising changes their way. Ppl talk about their insecurities all the time but for the ones who are always so insecure and need affirmation, they rarely feel the need to improve themselves. The ones I have known for 10 years are exactly the same 10 years later. They are unorganized in the exact same way, which makes me wonder if they are unorganized or just prefer things to not be organized (geminis to me are truly unorganized, unpredictable, scattered). At the end of the day, are they truly insecure or they just want you to make them feel good about themselves?
There is a theory that the zodiac starts with Leo/Cancer and pans out to both side (mercury - Virgo, Gem; Venus - Libra, Taurus etc...). Cancer is surprisingly similar to leo. And lots of them get married to leos.
|
|
|
Post by 12YearsABlob on May 11, 2018 19:44:49 GMT
Wow, lotta detail here! @intuitivefish , I belive your situation might be hampered by the fact that you live so far apart. IME, Cancer men are drastically different from Cancer women. Well, I've only known them platonically, but extrapolating from their stories... 1. If you have the 'gooey-Cancer', great - just make sure he doesn't feel unheard. People are not very forgiving of men who show emotion. 2. Either way, they'll usually have something they're really passionate about. But also kinda shy. If you can draw him out and let him er..show you his stuff, he'll be delighted. It could be photography, music, the friggin news, or an ex (a la Faith's story) - whatever it is, make room for it and you're in. The chemistry will do the rest. They can be really sweet, btw. They won't be rough around the edges and stomp all over your delicate feelings. A lot of guys get uncomfortable if you're too sentimental in front of them. Not this guy! They'll fall over themselves trying to make you feel better. Ooh, that could be an opening - they'll love it if you confide in them (preferably something sad but not too sad - ease into it). Well, this is my $0.02. Take it with a grain of salt - I'm just making semi-educated guesses here. *ETA: I just read what I wrote. "Pinch" of salt? My mind is never far from food.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 11, 2018 21:34:17 GMT
@theunknown. Thank you so much great detail. All of this will be helpful to me. I saved it all. By what you said I can safely asume he felt rejected and retreated into his shell and also that he is not interested in me. Or maybe he is just passive agressive 12YearsABlob. Thank you too. But we dont live so far apart?? 🤔 not sure where this bit of info came across this way.
|
|
|
Post by 12YearsABlob on May 11, 2018 21:57:14 GMT
Oh shoot, I read it wrong then. I dunno why I thought it was long distance. Guess I just jumped there from the 'meeting in person' stories. My bad!
|
|
|
Post by 12YearsABlob on May 11, 2018 22:02:30 GMT
Why do you think capricorn doesn't want to owe anybody anything? Because they see everyone as cancers who manipulate and guilt-trip others. This CRACKED ME UP. I have a Saturn-heavy chart and Draco Cap stellium. ^ I feel the same way.
|
|
|
Post by Ava on May 12, 2018 2:29:58 GMT
It could be photography, music, the friggin news, or an ex (a la Faith's story) - whatever it is, make room for it and you're in. The chemistry will do the rest. Wonderful answers here!! -- I'm short on time and will be back later --- That Cancer was really into philosophy, which I was clueless about, so that worked out well...he could lecture me about it without fear of being interrupted. I guess other people on his floor thought he was kind of a dork for being such a bookworm, but my Gem Mars likes brains so.........
|
|
|
Post by 12YearsABlob on May 12, 2018 2:35:30 GMT
^ Right!?? Bet he was thrilled.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 12, 2018 9:27:49 GMT
I reread all this like 3 times and have it screenshotted on my phone.
The POI in question does have an Aries moon which is also why he may be attracted to my Aries placements (venus/mars)
I think he is in retreat mode now due to a specific situation even though I was open to show I still am interested.
You are right about showing interest and asking about what they are good at,well to show me this.. this did have positive effect on him.
I do have a question.
How do they react to cards on the table situations?
And letting them (gently) know they hurt me by ignoring me?
|
|
|
Post by Ava on May 12, 2018 14:10:50 GMT
How do they react to cards on the table situations? And letting them (gently) know they hurt me by ignoring me? Maybe it depends on the whole chart, which decan his sun falls into, his draconic chart, etc. Also transits. Aries moons can be fiercely independent and standoffish, hate being told what to do, so I don't know how one might get them to do something, except by magically getting them to believe it was their idea in the first place, or proposing it as a fun thing. I don't see them being stirred towards doing something out of pure empathy....if you make it known he's hurting you, he might resent that as a manipulation as his first instinct. Then again maybe any sort of direct conflict might fire him up and make him come alive, want to pursue you...they don't want to be the ONLY ones acting on their more primal instincts. Is his moon conjunct your Venus and Mars? I think whole books should be written about moon conjunct Mars synastry. Seriously the hottest thing I know of.
|
|
|
Post by Ava on May 12, 2018 14:13:07 GMT
Oh shoot, I read it wrong then. I dunno why I thought it was long distance. Guess I just jumped there from the 'meeting in person' stories. My bad! Weirdly contagious assumption, I think you caught it from me and the way I addressed the matter.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 12, 2018 14:15:18 GMT
Thank you Ava I don't know, I don't know his TOB. But I think it goes well with what @theunknown said about them not seeing what they did as wrong. Maybe he just does not think about it and forgot.
|
|
|
Post by Ava on May 12, 2018 14:32:03 GMT
FYI - the last part about free will - I havent seen a cancer sun/moon/rising changes their way. Ppl talk about their insecurities all the time but for the ones who are always so insecure and need affirmation, they rarely feel the need to improve themselves. The ones I have known for 10 years are exactly the same 10 years later. Most of what you wrote about Cancer, I find it SUPER accurate. Anything negative you say, I'm smirking about it, while thinking of my triple Cancer sister and the hell she put me through. Anyway my husband is Cancer rising and to give him credit, he DOES change, I mean his opinions undergo radical shifts, but his sun is conjunct Uranus, so of course. So many Cancers in my immediate family. But then I only dated the one, so I can't contribute that much to the topic. My Cancer son is planning his life and family in advance, he wants to get married and have a daughter, he wonders how he's going to provide for them (he's been talking about this since he was even younger). Like all the Cancer men in our family he is super interested in tools, fixing things, building things. In that way, Cancer men are often uber masculine, and reflect the Capricorn axis and Saturn influence. I don't know who he's going to end up with but I wouldn't be surprised if she reminded him of me. LOL Like my Cancer ASC husband married me, and his mother was a Pisces moon like me, with her draco sun conjunct my tropical sun, and my draco Cancer moon conjunct her tropical sun. Maybe a hint to capture a Cancer guy is, try and meet his mother, and subtly copy her a bit, adopt some of her mannerisms or fashion sense if it's not too foreign to you.
|
|
|
Post by Ava on May 12, 2018 14:33:50 GMT
But I think it goes well with what @theunknown said about them not seeing what they did as wrong. Maybe he just does not think about it and forgot.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 12, 2018 14:40:57 GMT
FYI - the last part about free will - I havent seen a cancer sun/moon/rising changes their way. Ppl talk about their insecurities all the time but for the ones who are always so insecure and need affirmation, they rarely feel the need to improve themselves. The ones I have known for 10 years are exactly the same 10 years later. Most of what you wrote about Cancer, I find it SUPER accurate. Anything negative you say, I'm smirking about it, while thinking of my triple Cancer sister and the hell she put me through. Anyway my husband is Cancer rising and to give him credit, he DOES change, I mean his opinions undergo radical shifts, but his sun is conjunct Uranus, so of course. So many Cancers in my immediate family. But then I only dated the one, so I can't contribute that much to the topic. My Cancer son is planning his life and family in advance, he wants to get married and have a daughter, he wonders how he's going to provide for them (he's been talking about this since he was even younger). Like all the Cancer men in our family he is super interested in tools, fixing things, building things. In that way, Cancer men are often uber masculine, and reflect the Capricorn axis and Saturn influence. I don't know who he's going to end up with but I wouldn't be surprised if she reminded him of me. LOL Like my Cancer ASC husband married me, and his mother was a Pisces moon like me, with her draco sun conjunct my tropical sun, and my draco Cancer moon conjunct her tropical sun. Maybe a hint to capture a Cancer guy is, try and meet his mother, and subtly copy her a bit, adopt some of her mannerisms or fashion sense if it's not too foreign to you. Weeeelll I think I first need a reply to my last text then I can plot to meet his mom But he lives with his dad only, they are divorced. So maybe that is a clue too. I do know he had a loooong relationship before a year ago or so. In long I mean over 5 years. He is super masculine though and good with tools as in to fix his house but also tools of his trade. For now I did not get to know him too deep, we did talk about his family and my family and he did talk about having children so I can imagine he does think about how to provide for the future family too.Â
|
|