Dealbreakers -- and Saturn?

[Ava]

I love oversimplifying things in astrology.

It's an invitation to re-complicate.   

Here's my question and hypothesis: do you think your Saturn placement indicates, to a large extent, what you will and will not put up with, in relationships? 

[Deleted]

I seriously think so! A lack of self-discipline, autonomy, and succumbing to the mentality of always being a "victim" are very big deal breakers for me. I think that's very Saturn in Capricorn.

[anela]

I'm sensitive to being blindsided: Saturn in the 9th in Cancer. I can also handle something if I know that someone is projecting, unless I'm in a bad place, and then it all feels too much.

Everything has had me wanting to hide for a while now. I don't want to become agoraphobic again, but I haven't spent so much time anywhere online. I'm trying to make up for it now, but I could disappear again.

I actually forgive too easily. Not something you would expect with a cancer placement, I guess. Unless a line has really been crossed, like with my BIL. My sister shouldn't have surprised me, but she did. I remember last Summer, thinking she was going to do her old stuff again, and sure enough... I used to think my family was the greatest, so if I had more distance, I guess it would be interesting that my family has given me so much pain. Deal-breaker is messing with my relationship with my family, or friends. So BIL, and a certain person who caused trouble here over a year ago: she caused my friends trouble, so nope, no more. Don't have to hate her, but you don't mess with people. That left me so unsteady. So did my dad, although things are better. Disloyalty sucks.

I need to stop talking about this. I'm starting to get upset again. I have things to do.

[lumina]

May 5, 2018 14:34:20 GMT Ava said:

But I guess that's the diametric opposite of what this thread is about: how Saturn can also fuse you to people, almost against your will.

Definitely!

But who is the most struck? I mean stuck? lol Saturn or the planet? 

[12YearsABlob]

May 5, 2018 16:56:53 GMT lumina said:

May 5, 2018 14:34:20 GMT Ava said:

But I guess that's the diametric opposite of what this thread is about: how Saturn can also fuse you to people, almost against your will.

Definitely!

But who is the most struck? I mean stuck? lol Saturn or the planet? 

Yeah, I've been chewing on this for a while. Will get back to this in a bit.
On topic: Or sort of. For all that I said, even though it sounds very final - I might end up eating my words. Frequently have, of my own accord. But what I meant above is - no-one's made the effort to push past it (the potential 'deal-breaker') - in any real way.

It's like leaving an open wound untended. It could get infected, sprout gangrene. Eventually, you have to cut off the limb or die a slow, painful death.

If neither tends to the wound, the relationship dies.

It's not really that you discard your view of that person entirely, if they do the thing that triggers you.
There's something very scary about that kind of finality, to me.

Situations are so nuanced - I can't begin to cover all the possibilities. But, just as a 'for-instance' - what if they didn't know that it would affect you so badly, what if it was just a mistake, what if they're willing to not do that, etc. - basically, what if they still care and want to make things right?

I guess I call some things 'dealbreakers' because if not for a Herculean effort on my part, to see through another lens, to put my feelings in perspective, etc. - that relationship *would* die.

It's just that no-one has ever made the effort to move past the "dealbreaker". As I get older, I get tired of 'carrying' things entirely on my shoulders. It should not be like that. So, if such a thing (or series of events) happens - it either just becomes a part of the new 'identity' of the relationship and gets lodged in the crevices. Or, I just give up and drift away.

But in either case, it's not so much shutting-the-door on people, as it is protecting what's left of my feelings. We're human, we can (or should) all make allowances for that. Otherwise, it's like seeing people as a little less-than-human "your performance evaluations are in, sorry - you've been demoted".

I guess what I'm trying to say is, when it comes to the "big things":
Reaching a place of true forgiveness on your own is not easy (not impossible, but not easy). Usually, it's a two-person job.

[geminiblues]

What will I and won't I put up with... Hmmmm...

Saturn is so heavily involved in my chart it's hard to separate. But it might be interesting to try, so here goes.

My Saturn is 4th house Pisces, stationed Rx. Close enough to my 5th house cusp that some (incorrectly imo) read it there. It is...
Trine Venus Rx
Trine NN
Trine ASC
Square Mercury
Square Vertex
Inconjunct MC
Opposite Uranus
Opposite Pluto (5°)
Widely square Mars (8°)
Widely trine Neptune (10°)
I don't count the aspects beyond 5°, but there you go... So it's involved in a water grand trine and a mutible t square, and touches all 4 major axis.

What do I put up with? Lots and lots from people close to me, especially family. Until I don't. Which takes a lot. It takes a recognition that a thing is long past broken and there's no hope of repair.

In a more general sense, what won't I put up with? Hmmm...

Number 1 on my list is stupid people who think they are smart and I am stupid. People who don't listen to what I say, or people who don't believe me when I tell them something I know is true. Saturn square Mercury perhaps?

Being watched while I work. Being watched in general. People who want to jump in and say "got'cha" when you don't follow every rule. 1984 is one of my personal nightmares. And we're basically living it today. I'm going to say this is the Saturn Uranus opposition, with the Pluto in 11th opposition influencing.

Being disrespected, made to feel like I'm irrelevant, or... Oh, wait, that's my leo moon the the 10th 😉

Well, that's enough for a starting point.

[enneline]

Interesting Topic! thank you!

Saturn rules my 7h and is placed in my 2nd house in virgo conj the node. I haven't dated any rich men yet; i don't pay too much attention to the income. However, what i really dislike and what is actually a dealbreaker is a lack of ambition and the absence of the ability to provide for the family.
For a long time i have been feeling guilty due to this preference considering myself skin-deep or a gold-digger, even though i always felt i am not but then i dated a guy that was short of income, always broke and i realized that it was going to be hard to build a future with him. Also, he expected me to take care of the money and to keep on working as i have been the one with the better salary

So yes, the lack of ambition and security and ability to provide has always been a Major dealbreaker for me

[FruityLlama]

I have it in Pisces in the 10th and whilst this hasnt been a dealbreaker yet, I seriously dislike too much idealism and religious inklings in anybody (I mean like people who start preaching). My BF is like this and whenever I am worried about something he lectures me on being an extreme pessimist and being nonreligious. This sounds worse than it is, but sooner or later I'm gonna have to tell him to stop it because its not very compassionate at all.

I think this is an apt take on Saturn, thanks Ava

[Deleted]

My saturn aspects most of my chart
I have saturn in scorpio in the first house it conjuncts my pluto in libra and widely conjuncts my libra ascendant.
It also trines my moon in gemini in the 9th and sextiles my mars/venus in leo in the 10th house.

I have juno rx in the 7th house which is at the apex of a yod with my sun and juptier/uranus. Saturn is the release of this yod(opposite juno)

Deal breakers for me, I hope I dont sound too demanding(I can put up with some of these for a while but in longer term no):
- Lies(little lies are ok - eg. being "I had one glass of beer" when in reality I had 10 - i dont even care any way), I'm talking about big lies or keeping things from me. I always find out.
- Making me feel insecure(I know if i am with someone they will look at other people, i think that is natural, but telling me how attractive someone else is I would find it very disrespectful(celebs are ok though))
- Push pull(I learnt this the hard way). I spent so much time waiting for someone when i could have gotten on with my life and met someone else. Even when I was direct with them there was still push pull. I like straightforwardness.
- take take take and not giving(I dont mean expensive gifts but general fairness)
- Possessiveness, I need my space
- More arguing than not
- Bad personal hygeine, not making an effort with appearance, not brushing teeth. I know this one is a bit shallow, and ultimately its the character that counts, but these physical traits are important to me. If someone is the nicest person in the world hygeine issues are still a deal breaker

Pls dnt quote

[Deleted]

Well to complicate things ... I’ve thought about it. Your moon is how you emotionally react but what makes you happy is still your sun/mars/venus because the moon reflects light.

If Saturn features heavy on your chart then you’ll need that person to be like that to be happy. Like I have Saturn on my MC, my sun/Merc and I have a Capricorn stellium ...so the dealbreakers are gonna be Saturnian.

[lumina]

Ava

I agree with most of what you said, however I don`t think I would call it "complacency" in respect to Saturn. It`s more like a fear/ unwillingness of change and/or aborting/ deserting a project before it`s sufficiently completed.

[12YearsABlob]

Jun 2, 2018 13:59:30 GMT Ava said:

My moon comes to life when I see how all of existence is interconnected, and people who treat everyone with respect, they activate my moon.

Hmm.. I know this thread is about what ticks us off.. But I just wanted to add that this is something I observe too. I find myself liking people who are kind to *other* people, not just me... I don't actively seek to find out. But if you hang out long enough, you'll see how they talk about other people, how they treat other people. It's oddly comforting to see them being generous and kind to others.

[Ava]

Jun 2, 2018 14:52:03 GMT 12YearsABlob said:

It's oddly comforting to see them being generous and kind to others.

*Nodding*...some people are graceful like that...some don't even realize what a breath of fresh air they are...