inconjuncts in synastry

[lumina]

As mentioned in FruityLlama thread on Mercury-squares,  I once more started thinking about inconjuncts. LIterally translated it means "dis-connect" (it does not mean un-connected, but really dis-connected, and I think that is an important distinction). 

I know that some people love their inconjuncts and that is okay, but my take on these are like this (I am not talking about Yods, Yods are possibly different from the one legged inconjuncts). 

INconjuncts connect people by aspect that have neither modality nor element in common AND while this is true for the sextile as well, unlike in a sextile the elements are not compatible with each other. 
They are also on the other side of the earth so to speak (or the zodiac). The planets in inconjuncts notice each other (potentially), but they don`t really see each other. 

The planets connect, without really being (internally) connected. That is where the adjustment factor comes in, basically they don`t get each other at all. Even in a square or opposition, planets get each other better, they heartily disagree with certain things about each other, but they have some sort of understanding or clarity about each other. this is not the case in the inconjuncts, it is like totally foreign worlds. Which makes for a disconnect and basically irritation/ annoyance with each other on the ground of simply not having any common ground. 

Of course one can weather anything if the will is there (and some other good connective aspects are there), but personally I consider the quinkunx of one of the toughest aspects to weather in a synastry, esp. if exact. The reactions to a stimulus are just so different. Also I think it is very tough because on first glance it does not seem like it is a big deal or toughie. It is a failure to see eye to eye on some issues, not able to come to a real understanding of the other energy, which leads to irritation, but most of the time not outright tension that seeks a quick resolution, even if in an explosive situation, but that would clear the air at least!

The quinkunx, well the mean side of it is that while you sort of glide over it, saying: it`s not a big deal, just a minor annoyance, because the other has these silly tendencies, it eats away from beneath the surface. Like minor annoyances becomes such a steady stream of drops, that it becomes really uncomfortable over time (esp. between personal plants). 

Also it seems like there is a lot of fluctuation and lack of good timing. Like one is in the mood for talking, when the other needs their space, something like that. Not a big deal... but laying the foundation about insecurities as well. 


WEll people can deal with that I guess. I mean probably every synastry has some inconjuncts (though honestly? I wouldn`t want them between personal planets, or not without other planets bringing some ease), but there is adjustment needed and what I think maybe even more so is acceptance. To accept that there are areas where your partner will always feel like a stranger in a certain way, and focus on the areas where you really connect. 


Just my observation and thoughts about inconjuncts in synastry. 

Well I remember that Blashke said that if there are too many of these, they can actually make people sick if they are having to live together. 
And I read in a book on progressions and solar arcs that quinkunx often/ nearly always show up in separations (also read years before that they are often showing up in death charts.)

I read in Karen Hamaker-Zondags book about them, and she relates them - among other things- to feelings of insecurity. I have a Moon-Saturn-quinkunx natally, and yes that is absolutely true. You are always wondering if you did enough, if you are enough, if you could have done something more, and just this insecurity, but it is never as sharp as in a square. You can ignore it .... for a while, but it is like an undercurrent, and if you are not careful, it might make you sick. 


Anyway anything can be handled, I am optimistic like that, but the inconjunct (in synastry) might be among the really difficult to handle aspects - over time. Insidious little thorn in the side, like a forgotten needle in your shirt, that you cannot get out and that keeps on pinching you with certain moves. 

Well I was also stumbling across some links on inconjuncts. 



www.astromarkt.net/astrology_to_study-html/synastry-inconjunct-html/


"No aspect is more frustrating than the inconjunct (or quincunx). This tense 150-degree angle links two signs that have absolutely nothing in common. Each sign is in a different element (fire, earth, water, air), a different modality (cardinal, fixed, mutable), and a different polarity (positive and negative). And yet, when two planets (five signs apart) fall within orb of the inconjunct, they connect even though they have zero understanding of each other. The result is a struggle between unrelated energies that have no way of finding a middle ground. This is difficult enough to handle by transit or in the natal chart, but imagine if you have to deal with this aspect in synastry.



Here are the signs that inconjunct each other:



Aries inconjuncts Virgo and Scorpio

Taurus inconjuncts Libra and Sagittarius

Gemini inconjuncts Scorpio and Capricorn

Cancer inconjuncts Sagittarius and Aquarius

Leo inconjuncts Capricorn and Pisces

Virgo inconjuncts Aries and Aquarius

Libra inconjuncts Taurus and Pisces

Scorpio inconjuncts Aries and Gemini

Sagittarius inconjuncts Taurus and Cancer

Capricorn inconjuncts Gemini and Leo

Aquarius inconjuncts Cancer and Virgo

Pisces inconjuncts Leo and Libra

I use very tight orbs for inconjuncts: no more than two degrees. This aspect can be formed with planets, angles, Nodes or asteroids.



An inconjunct between two people is an area of misunderstanding. Unlike the opposition, you can’t find the common ground between your objectives, because there is no common ground. Unlike the square, you can’t harness the tension, because the tension of the inconjunct is a slippery, moving target; you have one way of dealing with it and your partner’s way undermines or blocks you. How much the inconjunct impacts a couple depends on how prominent the natal planets or points are in each chart. The effects can range from mild irritation to a major stumbling block.



The key to handling a synastric inconjunct is to accept the following:



Adjustment is required from both partners.

There will never be a neat solution.

The promise of a solution is what keeps you coming back for more.

A Synastric Inconjunct in Action

Ms. Venus has Libra Rising. Her chart ruler (Venus) is in her 2nd House of security, in Scorpio. Venus is a major player in her chart, because it describes her identity and how she loves. Venus’ 2nd House Scorpio placement means that her way of giving/receiving love is possessive, and focused on intensive investigation of her partner. Her self-esteem is rooted in how deeply her partner accepts their merging. Her partner (Ms. Mars) has natal Mars in 7th House Gemini. She’s drawn to partners who initiate (Mars) different ways of relating (Gemini). Nothing too heavy or focused. At the same time, her sexual energy is quick, curious and constantly shifting.



Mars inconjuncts Venus in their synastry. The tension creates a strong attraction. Mars is curious, because Venus is a new challenge. Venus is drawn by the promise of Mars’ intriguing puzzle (here’s someone to investigate and penetrate). However, it quickly becomes apparent that this is a thorny connection. Venus’ desire to know Mars on a profound level clashes with Mars’ breezy energy. Venus finds Mars insensitive, and Mars finds Venus suffocating. When Mars initiates sex, Venus is not in the mood. When Venus is in the mood, Mars is distracted. Mars undermines Venus’ self-esteem, while Venus is out of step with Mars’ partnership energy.



Venus/Mars inconjuncts in romantic relationships can be tough, but not impossible. The inconjunct’s oddball energy promises a very special result, and it’s that promise that continues to magnetize Ms. Venus and Ms. Mars. Venus can develop her inner resources, so she doesn’t lean so heavily on Mars. Mars can slow down in the moment and focus more on Venus. Each person can moderate the energies of their planet/sign combination, while accepting that Venus in Scorpio will always be intense, and Mars in Gemini will not. No aspect teaches more about the natal planet/sign combinations involved; the struggle to arrive at the “solution” pushes each planet to its limits.



At the same time, it’s important to avoid making the entire relationship about this one aspect. If Ms. Venus has planets in air signs, she can use their energy to connect with her partner on a sexual level (rather than obsessing about how her desires never seem to be satisfied). If Ms. Mars has planets in water signs, that’s a way for Mars to relate to her partner on a more intimate level.



›› Get your customized astrological compatibility report for insight into how the planets play out in your relationships.

Yods

I’m not going to write too much about synastric Yods here, because this subject really deserves its own article. Some of you may be wondering about this “fated” aspect, when two planets sextile each other and each planet forms an inconjunct to one other planet (the focal planet). If you look at the list of signs that inconjunct each other, you’ll see that each combination of three forms a Yod (Cancer inconjuncts Sag and Aquarius, which sextile each other). Any combination of planets/points in the above three signs in synastry can form a Yod between two people (as long as they’re in orb). If your Venus and Mars sextile each other, and they both inconjunct your partner’s Saturn, that’s a Yod. If your Sun and Moon inconjunct each other, and your partner’s Pluto sextiles your Moon while inconjuncting your Sun, that’s a Yod.



Yods place a tremendous amount of pressure on the focal planet. This becomes a specific task that one or the other partner (depending on whose natal planet it is) must deal with. There is much talk about a Yod’s fated energy: Two people are pulled together for a divine reason. While the focal point will certainly be an essential part of why they came together, we can easily say that any relationship is fated, Yod or no Yod. There’s a reason for all partnerships, and a synastric Yod is simply another way of defining it.



Challenging aspects in synastry can create an obsession with fixes. While a proactive approach is great, the inconjunct is a point of friction that doesn’t have a tidy solution. Hammering away at this aspect until both partners arrive at complete unity is a guaranteed way to make it worse. Adjust your respective behaviors, agree to disagree, and then consider if the imperfect solution is more satisfying because it’s unlike anything else you’ve experienced."

sasstrology.com/2014/07/inconjuncts-in-synastry-agree-to-disagree.html

[lumina]

Also I find it intriguing if planets aspect in progression that are already in aspect in the natal, esp. With a role reversal or a different aspect forming.

[FruityLlama]

Thanks for this lumina , its really interesting. I agree with the quinkunx being the most irritating aspect, although I share a Sun-Sun exact quincunx with my father. I love my dad and am pretty close to him. There are times when I think we are very different but actually we are also very similar in other ways. I would probably open up to my mother before my father though, but not because my father would misunderstand me, its more that my mother is more forthcoming with information, stories, personal experiences etc. Both are good at giving advice etc, but my dad is just more of a closed book with everyone.1
I'm very much a 50-50 of both parents in looks and personality and yet my parents are a Libra-Sag couple quinkunx my Taurus haha! How weird! My mum's sun also makes a very wide quincunx to my sun, but I am close to both and are the only people I trust 100%.

But I suppose you could argue actually being family perhaps trumps some aspects, but idk.

Just out of interest, do you consider this aspect between two personal planets (as in two personal planets like sun-sun/sun-moon) more irritating than say, Moon-Saturn inconjunct? Does an outer planet influence make any difference do you think?

[lumina]

FruityLlama

I consider Sun-Sun-inconjuncts as - potentially - more easy to manage than other inconjuncts. Not always, and if they are frustrating, they are VERRRRRY frustrating. BTW I only count actual inconjuncts in aspect, not the inconjuncting signs in general. 

Anyway since Mercury and Venus are often very close to the Sun but in most cases not both of them conjunct or in the same sign as the Sun, the likelihood of maybe having this Sun trine or opposite or biquintile the other`s Mercury or Venus, is higher than let`s say in an inconjunct involving Mars and Moon. 

Well it is not always the case but it could be. In your case it seems that your parent`s composite Sun is (at least widely) opposite your natal Sun, that is for sure a very strong connector of you to your parents. (it means of course that your Sun is at the midpoint of your parent`s Sun-positions, well in this instance the far midpoint, but no matter if far or near, they are bringing energies together; don`t know the orb of course, but at least it would be generally near). 

Inconjuncts with outers will make themselves felt, possibly in a different way, but for example inconjuncts between Saturn and Mercury, Sun, Moon, Venus or Mars in synastry are definitely not something I would rejoice about finding. That blocking/ restricting energy of Saturn (in some instances) would still be there, but maybe fluctuating and hard to grasp. Like you sense there is a block, something is being held back or holding you back, but you cannot quite put the finger on why or where it comes from, and it might fluctuate, like your timing seems to be off or something. 


I mentioned specifically the inconjuncts between personal planets, cause I find that often people put so much emphasis on the outer-inner planet aspect, and downplaying the importance of the inner planets to each other, but well they are what makes our very present reality. 

An inconjunct between Moon and Moon for example, probably nothing too dramatic, but almost like the emotions are never really in synch, or it is wildly fluctuating, like you are almost emotionally attuned to each other, and that promise of possible perfect attunement keeps you locked in a certain connection, but somehow even though it seems so close you can almost touch it, it will stay out of reach. 

Or inconjunct between Mars and Mars (or even Sun and Mars), very different approaches to how to handle things, makes it difficult to cooperate with each other. 

[lumina]

Example from nature. 

In a few hours the transiting Moon will be exactly inconjunct transiting Sun. It is in its applying phase right now. I am mentioning it cause I actually took a picture this afternoon, when the moon was already visible. It looks almost full. But not quite. It`s not really round, it is like someone took a bite out of it, but it looks so close to full, part of me wants to consider it a fullmoon while the sense of "not quite right, not quite there, something`s missing" is prevalent. 

Maybe that too is a characteristic of the inconjunct. 

[lumina]

actually I just realized that the transiting Sun is exactly conjunct my Draconic Sun. lol

[Ava]

I get exhausted thinking about it. Trouble with the quincunx is the tight orb and that tendency to create yods, it's automatically some kind of high-pitched escapade.

16° Leo creates a yod with my Cap sun and Gem Mars and would also be the apex of a yod with my luminaries. Do I ever even meet these people? It's like there's a vacuum in my energy and they sense it and steer clear.

Maybe that's wrong but I liked the sound of it.

[lumina]

Ava

that is an interesting observation and a great way to describe it, the vacuum.
I realized the same thing yesterday when mentally going through birthdates that would form quinkunxes to my chart. Especially in the case of quinkunxes to my Sun and Mercury, those just (almost) never happen. My Sun-Mercury is at 25 Sag and so the quinkunxes would be around 25 Taurus and 25 Cancer. And those just do not seem to happen, especially not the Taurus-placement. I am talking strictly about tropical here, Draconic is something different.

I wouldn`t say they never happen, but if they do I am not aware of it. Well I do remember one guy from my university days, and he is among the only people I remember who were really almost completely annoying me. Seriously, I found him to be sooooo annoying, that I was almost feeling compassionate because of my aversion. NOt like an outright dislike, just found him to be annoying and an energetic mismatch, and he would be sticking around our group. Now I get it, he probably tried to connect to us, and especially with my best friend. Which makes sense, his Venus is trine her Venus-Mars-Pluto. But she wasn`t interested. She didn`t quite like him either but sort of tolerated him more than I did. Even though he would try to chat a lot with me, esp. when catching me out of the group, but first of all what he was about (money, power, fame mostly) seemed just dumb to me, materialistic and him being not so smart (in my eyes, he thought he was BRILLIANT, a little bit a verbal/ mental expression like Donald Trump as a matter of fact. He clearly couldn`t understand why anyone could NOT see the greatness in him), but he was also naive in my book, thinking fame would just fall into his lap and so on. Materialistic and yet fantastical views of the world. But what annoyed me equally much was he was just to touchy-feely. I mean not that he REALLY crossed a line, but he just seemed to push for closeness or proximity, and I think I even outright told him to keep some physical distance, but well not sure he really heard me. I think I was increasingly and continuously insulting him throwing him things into his face that I would never say to anybody really, but he didn`t even hear them or obviously twisted them in his mind that they sounded like a compliment or something. Well he faded away after a while (mostly because I was taking the other direction whereever I saw him LOL) and I am sure he wasn`t even that bad, but he annoyed the heck out of me.


Well he was having a Sun-Mercury-conjunction in Taurus at around 27 Taurus, so this was quinkunx my Sun-Mercury, and in this instance there aren´t mitigating aspects anywhere in my c hart (unless we count Lilith on 27 Aqua, but even that would have been a square, and that is not really all that mitigating, but it makes sense, he certainly triggered my internal b*tch. lol)


Interestingly his Moon was in Sag, but in this instance that didn`t make for a lot of sympathy on my side. lol

His Venus was on 8 Gemini, so that was conjunct my DESC and SN and trine my Pluto, which is nice. It also opposed my Neptune and was..... quinkunx my Venus.
Now having said that, I recently have been noticing (in a pleasant way ), guys, esp. singers with Mars around 6-8 Gemini (the Italian one of them), and this is an energy, while it feels foreign to me, and I do get the feeling there is some sort of mismatch, it is also intriguing. I guess it depends a lot of other stuff.

However quinkunxes to my Venus will also either oppose or trine my Mars and ASC and sextile/trine my Pluto, so that might be a difference.

That annoying guy also had Mars on 7 Pisces (sextile my Venus) but most importantly I guess square my Mars and ASC. Curiously P has Mars on 11 Virgo on the other side, but he doesn`t annoy me like that. lol
Of course the annoying guy had a Venus-Mars-square himself.


What is a bit weird is that his Venus was conjunct my SN (trine my Pluto) and his Mars squaring my Nodal axis (and actually his Neptune on 6 Sag was making a T-square. And my Venus was conjunct his NN (square my Pluto).


Well if someone starts getting really on my nerves and annoy the heck out of me, there usually is a reason for it, because I usually just ignore people who annoy me, but that Sun-Mercury mismatch definitely made itself felt big time. I am sure I was a bit harsh on him, he probably was not that bad of a guy, just seeking contact (not really to me, but the group I was in, and especially my best friend), and being a little too pushy and yet awkward about it.

[Ava]

Well third decan Taurus can be a live wire. My Taurus coworker who forced me to talk to my husband before we got together (forced or bullied, take your pick), he was third decan, but of course with my draconic sun there, I could relate to his impulses, even if I would never actually express them as liberally as he did.

Anyway, I know someone in that yod zone in mid-Leo and I've told people that one reason I'm not on Facebook is because I would HAVE to be friends with her or suffer her wrath, but being friends with her is also unthinkable. So there's the vacuum, personified. I'm not on Facebook, she can have it all to herself. lol

Pls don't quote

[lumina]

lol @the facebook comment

[enneline]

i have mercury/jupiter at 14 Leo and sun/asc at 22 and 23 cancer - how do you guys feel about me?

[enneline]

I dislike inconjuncts in synastry: it's always awkward and somehow draining for me and often i find people forming inconjuncts to me personal planets very strange

also, i find it to be untrue, from my observations, that they create very strong energy and could replace conjunctions or oppositions. I wonder where this comes from...

i often have observed though, that yods are like challenges in synastry. It's like 2 people have an issue that is caused by the yod and first need to overcome this before they can have a normal relationship