How do you not freak out when "bad signs" are looming?

[Doux]

Hello sweet people,

So I have a little problem that I'm sure some of you are familiar with.

And that is...

Control-freakery when it comes to relationships.

Especially in relation to astrology.

You'll be living something nice and sweet with someone but wait, oh my God, that transiting Uranus is coming up to square their Venus! *freak out mode activated*

And that happens with Solar returns, transits, progressions, you name it. Anything goes.

(Yes, I am taking an actual personal example right now. Somebody shoot me.) 


So, how do you let go of that nagging feeling of "Things aren't going to work out/Shiet's gonna hit the fan/Pain is ahead" and so on and so forth..?

I try to relax and tell myself "Okay, whatever happens, it needs to happen, and things will be okay. Just let life happen"... But you know how well that works when you actually care about someone and DON'T want things to turn to shiet. And if you're predominantly Saturnian and don't like uncertainty or the threat of unwelcome change... or the potential for pain. You get the idea. 

I know it's part of life and things cannot be controlled. I know shiet happens and sometimes people get hurt, and separate, and so on. But wow, why is it so hard to accept? 

*sigh*

And, being the masochist that I am, I even checked the Solar returns for like the next 5 years, and dear Lord, why are they all so horrid? *pulls hair out*

Apologies for sounding so dramatic.
But you know that feeling of impending doom and absolute helplessness in the face of powerful uncontrollable forces... Especially on a Full Moon day. Yep, doesn't feel that good.

 
Any advice/insight/commiseration welcome! *cries internally and begs for support* 

[Deleted]

Divination is my poison. Be it Tarot, runes, I ching whatever. Oh, and psychics. I have had a major addiction to psychic readings. All in order to "feel prepared" for the unknown. Anyone who's been alive for a number of years knows you can never truly feel prepared for these kinds of things. The Universe just loves to laugh in your face. In my case, all these things were compulsions I was using to calm my anxiety, except I was running in a vicious circle and readings further enhanced my anxiety instead of calming it. I've developed some mild tremor because of this. Things changed for me in the last period of time, when I received some (free unsolicited) readings that proved extremely accurate. One of them predicted I would lose the person I most certainly did not want to lose, at all costs, and I had a nasty panic attack right after I received the news. I was shaking so hard and it was the longest panic attack I ever had, it lasted more than an hour. Can you imagine such a fear? The hell it was for me? Because that is the very definition of what a hell should be. I tried to calm myself down and I tried to reason with myself. In the end, the only thing that did the trick for me and got me out of that state was realising that if my connection was so easily breakable then maybe it wasn't worth hanging onto after all, you know? And if I would lose this person, could it be that it would be for the best?!

I then realised that I actually did not want this information at all - and that knowing can actually be worse than not knowing. Because it took away my peace of mind. I really relate a lot to this saying:





After years and years of searching and studying all sorts of divinatory arts, after countless psychics and goodness knows how many readings... It's ironic as fuck and being the control freak I also am, I would've never expected such a thing to come out of my mouth. How could not knowing *ever* be good?! Oh, but it was/is. I was giving away all my personal power, going against my own instincts and hunches and trusting some strangers with making important life decisions for me. It's not right, you know? I put an end to it and the tremor stopped. Yes, just like that. I still struggle with pulling cards and I still check transits, but baby steps, okay? I get to decide for myself now, based on how I feel, not what astrology says, not what psychic X or Y said, not the card I pulled. No more of that. As long as I make an effort, my relationship will work out. It's all up to us. It's also true that all the responsibility falls on my shoulders, I can no longer blame anyone and anything else. But you know what, it's okay. There's also a sense of wonder and curiosity that arises, taking place of that dread: what if doesn't work out? Now it's more like: I wonder what will happen next! I'd be a hypocrite to say I don't still care about the final outcome - and don't think I haven't checked the charts, I did, but I don't base decisions and my state of mind on them. I take them as amusement tools instead of verdicts on my future. And I try to focus more on the journey than the destination. Having been shaken up so hard recently, I rather enjoy the peace and quiet of not knowing what my life will turn out to be. Crazy, huh? And yes, I did lose that person. And it hurt, tremendously. It still does. But the things he did and the way he behaved with me, in the end, was unacceptable. I am better off without him. I dodged a bullet big time. When the doubts come creeping up on me, especially now with Venus rx, I think: what if I had listened to those psychics and went along with it, what if I would have married this person, what if I had kids with him? What horror would have been, for me and for them. 

I know it is excruciatingly difficult to even imagine letting go of loved ones... but always know that if it happens, it's because they weren't your people. The right ones will always stay, no matter what rollercoasters and Uranus transits life throws your way. Trust in that. Take those transits as tests to see if your relationship is strong enough to withstand them, instead of doom and gloom waiting to happen. If he's yours, he will still be yours when the transits end. 


*hug* <3

[Deleted]

Just came across this one. Hehe. I think in a way it is a Scorpio/Capricorn thing to distrust the good things that happen to them. I do it too. Brene is a Scorp, too btw. I think Scorpio/Pluto and Cap/Saturn influenced people are the people who struggle the most with these things. Vulnerability just doesn't come easy to us. And enjoying the good things we have leaves us vulnerable that we could lose them. :/ 

[FruityLlama]

I completely understand. I don'quite know what to say because I'm constantly worrying about my health and relationships, what do people think of me, am I doing the right thing??t

I think not knowing some things gives life a certain magic. There are certain things that are to be unknown because if we knew them, we would get complacent above all, I think.

I'm not sure its related, but I was thinking this when i was watching a morning tv show. Some guy was going on about why monogamy isn't practical and why guys cheat etc. And I was thinking, yes well, in theory I suppose I can understand polygamy and I suppose when you put it like that it seems logical. And there's no problem with it of course, but my point was that if everyone were to be told and BELIEVED/KNEW for a fact that all partners you were ever going to have were definitely going to cheat at some point or want other partners, whether you were the perfect girlfriend/boyfriend/whatever or not.... wouldn't everyone just be like...uh well, whats the point then really? No one would want to listen to romantic words, accept romantic gestures, y'know all the lovely stuff that happens especially at the beginning. What would be the point in trying to establish meaningful bonds, is my point. 

I hope I'm making myself clear. My point is that we need a bit of Neptune to fool us sometimes, fool us into thinking we're invincible, we're the one etc. Because like you said, it ultimately gives peace of mind, especially to those who worry and turn logic into super-logic

In terms of how do you deal with certain things.. well, again its all in various forms of self delusion I guess and finding the balance between logic and intuition.  I hope I made sense.... 

[Ava]

Hi Doux ❤️

Sorry for the delay. I had been thinking, I really don't know how to deal with things like this. First, I didn't get into real astrology until after I was married. Second, I was most often I was somewhat of a coward with love, afraid of going in too deep, preferring to keep things a bit superficial, so that looming breakups wouldn't feel like a looming disaster to me. I've spent the majority of my life with men who wouldn't break up me. Venus/Saturn conjunctions.

As I'm getting up in my years a bit, one technique I've come up with to handle disappointments in the social realm is to work on my core...to learn to keep my balance through thick and thin, by being centered. If I can trust myself and be my own best friend, it doesn't matter quite so much how the rest of the world handles me. And I have a motto from Eckhart Tolle: "Die to the past every second." I try to keep my inner space clear of regrets, because I can overdo regret. I'm a regret extremist. If I were single and in love, I would probably regret everything that did not elicit a reaction I was hoping for, and then implode over it...that's my knee-jerk reaction, my baggage and broken psychology. But I'm happy because I feel I'm improving along these lines. It feels good, and I wish others who are rigged like I am could find this same way towards relief and greater emotional independence.

Maybe it's transiting Pluto conjunct my sun that has had me focusing on the positive side of death, I mean the passing of moments....I can let them pass without obsessing as much. I feel that I stand more prepared to lose things...to lose anything...to survive pain...to let joy slip through my fingers again...to ride the transits like waves, where some lift me up and others seem to drown me for a while. I'm not invincible just a little more prepared. And that feels good.

My advice is always self-kindness and letting the bad feelings go as soon as you can. And with someone as graceful and phenomenal as yourself, I would like to hope that comes easily. Best wishes and hugs, Doux.

[Ava]

Oh god @dancingmaenad

I'm watching this video now and seeing how exactly it describes my own way of handling things...as I was saying above. "We're trying dress rehears tragedy so we can beat vulnerability to the punch."

OMG I almost wrote that word for word, then erased it. "I dress rehearse tragedy." I absolutely do!

I love that she gives a prescription for it: gratitude.

And she talks about it as a discipline: cultivating gratitude.

Wow these two are right on my wavelength. I was telling a friend recently that I find joy at odd moments through my days; often simply being very present will trigger gratitude spontaneously. And those moments are like the lily pads that I land on as I cross the choppy waters of life. I can usually get through a day without falling into the water. I know another moment of joy is out there, and it's up to me to land on it.

GREAT video, thank you! ❤️

[Ava]

In a different vein, cheers to our resilience....we all need it, in this crazy world.

[Deleted]

You're very welcome, Ava! <3 I am glad it resonated. Brene Brown is a lot on my mind currently, I recently ordered all her books and got them about a week ago. The timing could not be more perfect, since the topics are the ones I am dealing with in the present moment, my main challenges in my current relationship. I still struggle with gratitude. Some periods are easier than others. I can't say I have mastered the practice of it, but I am trying.

[anela]

Yes, what Dancing Maenad said! And Faith (I've just seen).

I wrote something similar on a tarot site, a few months ago. I was into checking everything astrologically, reading tarot cards over and over, the law of attraction, etc. I was even ecstatic on my birthday five years ago, because I was reading about coconut oil, and it seemed to be good for everything. The latest fad, but all I was reading at the time, was that I could protect my family. I had it in my head that if I could avoid this and that, and sort other things out, that I would be able to keep them alive, and everything would be great.

Looking back, I wish with a certain guy, I'd just paid attention to my feelings, where he was concerned, and upped my own self-esteem somehow. I remember asking mum if she would help me to find a therapist, because he was having this effect on me that I hadn't experienced since I was a teenager. I stopped paying attention to astrology, a year ago, and at other times in the past, because it was freaking me out (and still does - Pluto terrifies me, along with an upcoming square to Ceres/Chiron/Sun, after Mercury).

I wish I had some advice.

[Ava]

Mar 20, 2017 11:18:14 GMT anela said:

I was even ecstatic on my birthday five years ago, because I was reading about coconut oil, and it seemed to be good for everything. The latest fad, but all I was reading at the time, was that I could protect my family. I had it in my head that if I could avoid this and that, and sort other things out, that I would be able to keep them alive, and everything would be great.

I feel like I must have a 6H sun like you. My birth time is only anecdotal but that reminds me so much of myself, and I was even thinking of that yesterday. It's like all my peace depends on feeling like there are cures for things, especially where my family is concerned. 

[Violets]

Oh gaahhhd, Doux ... I have nothing but sympathy! With my absolutely lovely Pluto opposite Venus, I'm at a loss on this one.

But here's a big, big hug. <3

[Deleted]

This is one of those things where I feel like I have the answers. However, I'm not sure how to communicate it. Maybe my way of handling it only works for me. It must feel like a powerless situation on your end and mine, I assume. I'm not sure how to help in a truly meaningful way.

The one thing in life that you have complete control over is yourself. Everything else is trust, faith, odds, chances, risk.... How predictable something is. We can trust our significant others and to me there's quite a bit of that that comes from within, regardless of them at all. To feel that you're a survivor. Starting with yourself, your core self, to know that you control you, not your environment or situations. You have limited control over them so why not even it up and only allow them limited control over you?
You have that power.

Astrologically, I'll use mercury retro. I bought a place during it and I've signed contracts during it. I've had a few stressful hiccups as a result, I assume, but nothing that killed me obviously. I've bought cars during. I've started relationships during venus retro. Sure, there's been issues here or there but if I didn't take the chance, would I have missed the opportunity completely? What would have happened? For better or worse?
I can't worry about those things and no mercury retro has been exactly the same. Sometimes I barely notice and other times I swear it must be retro and it's not. Worrying or avoiding things due to a transit is, to me, a waste of my time and energy.

I'm rambling.
It's not that I'm perfect or close to. But....
You have to be more valuable to yourself than anything else, anyone else. You know yourself best, you spend every last second with yourself. You are in control of everything you do including how you react to things. I may not react well but I'll own it, eventually.
I'm a fighter, a warrior, for my happiness. My happiness depends on me first of all. Things will happen and I've dealt with quite a bit. I'll never lose the fight in me. I'll never give up. Life will have to take me out before I quit. That gives a sense of confidence and security all by itself.

It's almost like people are givers and receivers without knowing it. Like I know a lot of people who believe that love will make them happy. Love will change them. Like this twin flame and soulmate stuff. I don't know. Why not just love yourself first of all? To where you have abundance for others to enjoy with you?

If you make yourself the most important, brightest, happiest star in the galaxy, what is there to worry about? Whether person or transit.... Why worry?
It doesn't make sense to me. I worry about what I can control. Example, I worried about switching jobs and asked for a reading but that's something within my control and I didn't want to make a terrible mistake.
A transit...?
The eff am I going to do? Hide? No. That's not for me.

Many tend to want to control what they can't and give up on what we have complete control of: ourselves.

[Doux]

Thank you all for the great replies.
Much appreciated!

I am in a much better place now and just going with the flow.

It comes and goes...

But you all made some wonderful points and I am grateful for your insights/support ❤

[Deleted]

@lirgo , you would do well as a motivational speaker .

[Deleted]

😁