|
Post by Violets on May 28, 2020 16:18:29 GMT
Yeah, I agree lumina. It’s more just the desire to be in control.
|
|
|
Post by lumina on May 28, 2020 16:49:32 GMT
What orb does the squarw have? Does IT aspect Natal planets?
|
|
|
Post by Violets on May 28, 2020 17:57:05 GMT
lumina sorry, I deleted my comments. I don’t like to dig into my personal life on forums too much. I’ve shared more than I normally would, and moms are sensitive about their relationships with their children. ❤️
|
|
|
Post by lumina on May 28, 2020 20:57:29 GMT
I understand
|
|
|
Post by midnight on May 28, 2020 22:19:32 GMT
lumina , I agree about your view of Saturn/Pluto "I am Not Sure IT Always is about Power. I associate IT more with Control? ". I have never really paid attention to this aspect since both are outer planets, except for their house position and how both have an out of sign square to my Mars. In my case, this aspect is like a block to move on from some unfortunate events. Instead of moving on and transforming" after experiencing some trauma, it seems like Saturn wants me to keep those memories forever.
|
|
|
Post by midnight on May 28, 2020 22:58:31 GMT
It's probably an ultimate "forgive but not forget" aspect in my case. Unable to fully transform, holding on to the past. Probably something else in my chart influences too.
|
|
|
Post by Violets on May 28, 2020 23:37:30 GMT
|
|
|
Post by 12YearsABlob on May 29, 2020 14:05:00 GMT
midnight, Your post reminded me of this quote about kids who were "mature" or "calm". They just didn't get to express what other kids would without hesitation. And I can understand how it must've been for you. This whole thing also smacks of Moon-Saturn to me. Not to pry, but I wonder if there's a Moon-Saturn or Venus-Saturn signature in the synastry/composite with your parents. Regardless, it sounds tough, and I'm sorry you had to censor yourself so much. 💓 What you said about first-borns is also true. And I admire you for observing that without any self-pity. I've heard that parents tend to loosen up after their first child and unfortunately, that's rough on the child.
|
|
|
Post by Violets on May 29, 2020 17:16:31 GMT
This sort of makes me feel better as a mom, but I feel badly that you guys have had these experiences.
My strictness with my oldest is mostly in the form of “Random YouTube videos and horror video games are off limits, as are online games where you have to chat with strangers.” Also, don’t refuse to eat EVERY meal I prepare, I’m not serving up prison food here, it’s not that horrible. And no, you can’t bring wooden stakes into the trampoline as “swords”, because one of you will quite possibly lose an eye. So when these rules are consistently ignored, I boil over after repeating myself to the point where I’m like “I SAID NO!!!”
The amount of resistance I get from other adult family members is pretty mind boggling, so there’s a lot of built up tension around these issues already. Like why is it necessary for my kid to watch these loud, often inappropriate for a 9 year old, YouTubers who often play games that involve really creepy/scary subjects? I don’t feel that I’m unreasonable about this, I’m just met with constant dismissal from the adults who are helping me raise my kids.
Anyway. Sorry I’m dumping in here, sometimes even Saturn-Pluto people need to talk, lol.
|
|
|
Post by midnight on May 29, 2020 22:08:28 GMT
VioletsI love all of your FB posts and I never had any doubts you are a great Mom. Funnily, I have the same feelings towards my son. I try not to be too strict with him, but I feel it's important to monitor his YT usage. He's only allowed to watch the gamers playing his 2 favourite games (paper.io and warmzone), otherwise, he's welcome to switch to Youtube Kids. He gets frustrated when he loses, can get quite loud. I don't like noisiness much and sudden outbursts by my son put me out of balance. I try to be nice and calm asking him to not get upset too much "it's just a game", I literally tell him 20 times all sorts of reassuring words till I "boil over". One thing for sure, I don't spend a day without telling him that I love him, something that I have never even once heard from my parents. Saturn is one boring heavy stuff, but he definitely teaches you one way or another. I may keep all my pain inside, but I learned not to repeat my parents' mistakes. "Anyway. Sorry I’m dumping in here, sometimes even Saturn-Pluto people need to talk, lol." Hahaha, yeah. Even though I'll edit out most of my posts, I feel lighter since I've shared it with you guys.
|
|
|
Post by 12YearsABlob on May 29, 2020 22:49:45 GMT
That's horrific!! No wonder a traumatic incident like that would trigger panic attacks. It's hard to talk to people who don't take mental health seriously. I'm glad you have a better relationship now because you simply don't expect those things anymore. You're being very gracious about it all, though. I don't know how, but you seem to not be bitter about it (which anyone in your place would find hard to do). You're right that Saturn teaches through "the school of hard knocks." Wish it weren't so, but...anyway, thank you for sharing with us. 💓 (I'll erase my response too, if you'd like).
|
|
|
Post by Violets on May 30, 2020 1:10:39 GMT
I agree with everything 12YearsABlob said, midnight. It’s amazing that you don’t sound bitter, and I can’t imagine going through that—let alone without support. ❤️ My mom is that way too, to some degree. I likewise don’t try to talk to her about anything that’s bothering me. I’m glad you like my posts, lol. I was wondering earlier if loud noises and general disruptions are something we tend to react to with these aspects, because I often have to tell my kids to please give me a noise break. I literally can’t think when 3-4 people are talking simultaneously about completely different topics, it’s like I’m going to implode. 😂😭🤷🏻♀️ Thank you for sharing about your experiences. 💕
|
|
|
Post by Violets on May 30, 2020 3:44:23 GMT
Also, I can completely relate to this: “ He gets frustrated when he loses, can get quite loud. I don't like noisiness much and sudden outbursts by my son put me out of balance. I try to be nice and calm asking him to not get upset too much "it's just a game", I literally tell him 20 times all sorts of reassuring words till I "boil over". One thing for sure, I don't spend a day without telling him that I love him, something that I have never even once heard from my parents.”
Yes, this. What I have yet to ever hear from my poor mom is “I’m sorry, I was wrong.” This is a huge pet peeve for me with people, probably as a result. So I make sure to acknowledge it to my kids, and my husband, when I’m flat out wrong and have overreacted. I let them know that it’s not their fault, and I let my oldest talk about how he feels about it (my youngest seems more inclined to just move on with things, but he’s told it’s fine if he wants to yell/throw a tantrum, he just has to do it in his room, lol). I wasn’t allowed any of that as a kid, and I don’t bother trying to express frustration with my mom now if I can help it.
|
|
|
Post by Ava on May 30, 2020 12:43:04 GMT
Wow, this conversation... ❤️ midnight, I'm also amazed at your resilience...but so sorry to hear about your experiences. I don't understand mothers like this. I'm the opposite way, it's no trouble for me to drop everything and run to my kids if they are injured. They know I'm completely on their side and devoted to their cause. That calms them quickly and it's a form of psychological healing...almost like the homeopathic remedy Arnica if you're familiar with it. It's calming, and when you're calm, the pain doesn't hurt as much. I do other things wrong but that one comes naturally, so like I said, I just don't get it. Stoicism and self-control do come in handy but outside influences teach that soon enough. Once when I was little I got injured on the fire escape stairs leading up to my parents' office. My mother suggested that I could hit the stairs since I was so upset. I stopped crying and was just flabbergasted. For some reason that meant the world to me. "You're on my side?! You want me to have some kind of solution?" Happily I hit the stairs. She didn't warn me it would hurt my hand. I didn't even care. It's weird that this moment stands out as the one time in early childhood when my mother seemed to willing to console me for anything. Once we were at a big, all-day event at my grade school. I was no older than six. My mother couldn't find me when it was time to go, so she just left. It got dark, I was looking for my mother, couldn't find her, waiting and waiting at the school for someone to pick me up but that didn't happen. I had to walk home by myself in the dark. I guess in other places kids are expected to be tough and face these sorts of challenges from a young age, but all things considered, I didn't internalize the experience that way, I just felt like my presence was optional. I had a home if I could find it in the dark. My NN is in the 4th house and while maternal instincts come naturally there is a whole range of emotion that feels blocked. It's like losing magnetic true north, losing a sense of home, trying to find it again. I don't mean to sound ungrateful because I know it could have been so much worse and I have some idyllic memories. But I still don't understand what my mother was thinking sometimes. I'm clueless about that. Her Saturn and Pluto form a t-square with my Mercury by the way.
|
|